i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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