i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
