This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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