sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
