It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
