this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I fill condoms, not promises.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
