the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
