i wish my penis had a tongue
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
