i would punch a child for taco bell
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
