No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
