i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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