i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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