He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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