It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry about my life...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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