I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
