Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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