She went from zero to smokin in five shots
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
