You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
