did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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