A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
