Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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