Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
