I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
