Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
