Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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