So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
