he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
