i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
