I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
