i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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