You're completely useless in the revolution.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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