I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
