I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
