Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
