Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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