I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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