do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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