i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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