I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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