u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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