every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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