First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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