But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
