Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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