Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
