im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
