I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
