Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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