I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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