"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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