i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
