there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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