Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
