I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
